Word Director

word of the day: grin

2009-08-10T10:27:00.002-05:00

(v) the inexplicable upward curl of both sides of the mouth occuring upon reading the satirical truisms of my 9 to 5*...errrrr, 9 to 9 life.

*In reality, life at my current gig is mercifully honest and non-pretentious. And, as much as I yearn for surfboard tables and putt-putt courses with the 9th hold located directly underneath my very own desk, I very much enjoy the fact that we really are all about the work.

I am not going to lie, though. I have actually worked in a place that had a conference room called the Barn. I have actually worked in a place where my copywriter domain was referred to as "The Cave." And, I have actually worked in a place where the benefits package included 'cold beer in the fridge'. But that, of course, was pre- my post-traditional career.

####
WELCOME TO OUR
BRANDING HOUSE.

BY FRANK FERRI

- - - -

You sure look the part. Short beard, tight-fitting thrift-store shirt, slim-fit jeans and large-framed glasses that scream "I'm hip!" I should hire you on appearance alone. But legally, I can't. Besides, there's a lot more to our shop than how we look and dress.

Our culture is very important. We have a culture. No red tape. No corporate layers. No bureaucratic bullshit. But it's not anarchy. It's a meritocracy, with tons of optimism and zero racism. We like diversity. My girlfriend is a pansexual black woman who was raised by Nepalese parents on the Stockholm Archipelago. She was educated in Perth before coming to the States via pneumatic tube.

We're a shop. Not an agency, not a firm − a shop. Other acceptable terms are "boutique interactive solutions studio pad," "branding house," or "post-branding branding garage."

That's another thing, we add "post" as a prefix to words − especially when interfacing with clients. Post-media, post-Internet solutions, etc. If you can't do that, then you're post-employed. Kidding. I'm a creative-type, I say creative things like that.

We drink coffee all day. We brew it in our retro-style kitchen, which is ironic. Post-ironic even.

We're post-Internet web strategists. And we only use Macs. We've got one PC, spray-painted silver. While working, we wear earphones and listen to post-stringed guitar neo-punk by an obscure meta-artist.

Our business practices are closely aligned with the Republican Party's way of thinking. But every pod (we don't use cubicles here, they stifle creativity) must have a picture or some figurine mocking the GOP. It shows our post-subversive, post-dissident, Post Cereal mindset.

Creative meetings − meetings! Listen to me. When we're in a creative sesh, we'll think of the same ideas as any other agency. But we sell our ideas like this: For a pedestrian website, we'll say, "This post-digital highly calibrated online meta-experience is a nod to the analog age, which guarantees a viral effect among the decision-makers in your industry and beyond by making sure your brand stands out in a world of post-font, post-blue, Post-Its." Doesn't have to make sense.

We'll create a blog on their site, a Facebook thingie, and talk about it being "a post-blog, post-social networking platform that inspires and spreads ideas so that your message sticks to your inter-generational, minimally attentive demo. But also reaches, bestrides and orbits other industries to capture the attention of a post-captive audience."

I like this talking point: "We drive traffic to clients' sites in a post-traffic, post-public transportation way in a highly post-visual, post-gustatory, pre-olfactory world. You'll notice everything we do stays true to the client's identity as our post-branding brand extension cords extend that identity into post-new media media post outlets."

Our seshes take place in the carport we built inside the office. Post-ironic, right? We used an aerospace-grade epoxy to adhere forty-five surfboards together for a table. Says, "Yeah whatever, brah, we know life's too short to worry about stuff." But it also says, "We still worry about stuff enough to build a table."

The indoor barn is also ironic. We do our visionary reviewages there. We stand and look at print ads, billboards, whatever, and say, "I think the one with the finer vertical line speaks more to the frontal cortex of the end-user because of its PoMo post-sovereign influence."

Or, "The Pantone color conjures a post-cognitive experience, which could foment a post-interpersonal meta bond between the consumer and the brand."

I like to bullshit in the barn. I'll say something uber-cultured like, "The ad is very Pierre Auguste Cot, while the billboard is so Abraham Mignon. Neither will register on a post-conscious level with our client's audience. They'll have a negative effect."

Everyone in the barn will agree with me even though they have no idea if the artists mentioned exist. One will say, "Totally, Mignon-esque. Can't believe I didn't think of that." Another will say, "I thought I was going too heavy Auguste Cot. Damn."

That cave? That's where the copywriters work. I know, you probably think all post-branding boutique branding neo-interactive podshop houses all have the stereotypical copywriters: the ones who sit there and write their destined-to-fail screenplays in Movie Magic. Not here. Our copywriters use Final Draft. Or Celtx.

The cave is where you'll be creating brilliant copy and concepts. Just one important rule: if our copywriters decide to sit outside for lunch, they must bring this copy of Finnegans Wake. Relax! You don't have to read it. You just have to look at random pages and pretend. Every few minutes nod and chuckle aloud, "Oh Joyce, you devil!" It sends a message that says, "Yeah, I write copy for the establishment, but I also read books that no one understands." Gives us a bit more intellectual cred.

If you're interested, I'd like to see if you have what it takes to write copy for our branding den/ad grotto − and our progressive, independent-minded clients. We need a postcard written for a little neighborhood grill that just opened. It's called Applebee's®. They want to promote their Carside to Go™ service. Go crazy with it. Have fun. Push the envelope − and get some papercuts doing it. Ha-ha. But seriously, just make sure you adhere to "The Applebee's®. Corporate Guidelines and Branding Policies," which is a huge document. I'll email you a PDF instead of printing it so I don't have to write a post-Earth Earth posting on my blog. Damn, I'm clever.

word of the day: website experience

2008-11-14T11:01:00.007-06:00

(n) http://www.dayswithmyfather.com

Lately, I’ve been spending every waking – and I think, possibly sleeping – minute busting my brain to create more than just another website. To inspire even a few souls swimming through the worldwide web to see something bigger than themselves. To move someone to do more than simply send the link in an email to a friend. To provide an actual human experience through something as sterile and mechanical as an LCD screen.

Basically, I’ve been trying to figure out how to create this.

It helps me realize that digital stickiness is not always about Facebook apps and ringtone downloads. It’s not even about the simplicity and coolness of the navigation. (Though I love the way he did this.)

It’s about a feeling and an understanding. It’s about tapping into something deeper and more important than the fleeting impressions of a product or brand – and achieving a sense of true understanding and appreciation for the richness of life at large.

Thank you, Phillip Toledano.

word of the day: falling from grace

2008-10-08T10:32:00.006-05:00

(v) the act of the nation's best ad agency creating something like this:

Et tu, Crispin? I heard an ad for this on the radio today. I was shocked. I feel that it is:

A. Ironic. Aligning Brooke Shields with anything baby related seems incredibly awkward, and a rather poor choice. I'm sure Tom Cruise would agree.

B. Tired. The repurposing of the self-help/PSA ad is now almost as prolific as the "Got (fill in product here)?"

C. Ill-timed. In a period where the economy is plummeting and other countries (does China ring a bell?) have sought to control populations through actual limitations on reproduction, this scenario seems a bit too close to home.

D. Inappropriate. Even if we (and we do) immediately get the joke, hearing that a gas-guzzling minivan is perpetuating "... the most important story of our time. Ever." is offensive and ridiculous.

E. Crass. Justifying - even as a hoax- the conception of a human life for the aquistion of a product crosses a very, very obvious line.

F. (and perhaps the worst advertising sin of all) Off-brand. When I heard the ad this morning, I did not even make the connection that this was for VW. The spot is so focused on its celebrity spokeswoman and cheap jokes that it neglects to sell a car.

I will say that, for better or worse, the campaign did inspire me to go to the site and learn more. So it's not a complete failure in my book. But still, I think it's a failure.

word of the day: gen Y

2008-10-07T09:30:00.007-05:00

(n): the class of kids entering the workplace who, quite simply, have no tolerance for the workplace.

A couple of years ago, I was featured as the poster child of Generation Y in an article in the Dallas Morning News. The article was so popular, so profound and so pioneering that it was syndicated in publications throughout America and ran for months. It hailed my then-employer as a true visionary in doing what it takes to reign in - and maintain - the talent of this enigmatic generation. My firm's success in satiating the hungers of the spawn of the Boomers and Xers was attributed to their 'company living room,' 'youth-friendly spaces' and 'personal rooms.' Tara Kirk, as the world read, was thrilled to be in a place that coddled her deep-seated need for the latest electronics and an appropiratley feng-shue'd 9 to 5.

Three months after the article hit the newsstands, I left the agency for greener pastures - proving that I, too, was just another casualty of my radically mobile generation.

Since that article's release just two years ago, I have changed jobs three times - proving, at least, that the DMN was onto something in casting me as a true ambassador of this finicky collective.

And as said ambassador, I can say with great confidence that placating my own emerging class of 20-somethings in Corporate America is so much bigger than throwing a plasma TV into a break room or adding really hip lighting in the hallways or allowing employees to play foosball after their cigarette breaks. These ornamental perceptions of youth do not even begin to address the fundamental chasm between the way WE have trained ourselves to work and the way the workplace has operated for years.

We Yers grew up in a world where we changed the channel with a remote control, meaning that we never had to disrupt our comfort to achieve an instant result. Stores were always open on Sundays, making it easier than ever for us to do things - finish school projects, go toy shopping, hang out with our friends - on our own timelines. Cordless and cell phones meant that we could talk about our own agendas, and always within the privacy of our own space. The advent of computers gave us endless reprieves from type-os and spelling errors. And, by the time we reached college, the internet was so prolific that we were never, ever faced with the constraints of a library's operating hours or the limited resources provided via the archaic system of Dewey Decimal.

We learned that our time was our own. That the end product was all that really mattered. And that if we don't like something, we are both entitled and expected to change it. For years, we have thrived under these pretenses. They got us through our high school and college educations.

And then, we walk though the doors of a salaried kingdom still run by our dads and moms, and we find ourselves alien to a world we were under the impression we were supposed to shaping. We go from a system of fluidity afforded to us by laptop computers, iphones and all-night drive throughs, to a world where we're supposed to be at our desks promptly at 8:30 and stay chained to them until 5:30. We're supposed to be able to turn on our brains when we punch in and ignore the distractions we've been trained to indulge. We're supposed to adopt a a regime of home--> work-->home that is an inherent affront to the merged view of productivity and personal time that we've thrived upon for years.

This system is not new. Business men and women have been assimilating into it for over one hundred years now. The people coming into this system are, however, new. And we can't change them. So we'd better change the system.

My charge to all the perplexed, gen-y-seeking firms out there is to cancel your orders for astro-turf laden conference rooms and state-of-the-art cappuccino machines. To abandon hope that Eurway sofas and industrial-style buildings will persuade us that your shop is the best place for our brains. To understand that an employee rock-climbing wall may get us in the door, but will just as promptly repel us.

And, instead, allow flex hours. Appreciate that an employee who comes in at 10am and works until 2am is far more valuable than an employee who works a clean 8-5 sharp. Don't pay a senior three times what you're paying a junior, just b/c that senior is 55 years old. And, above all, give us a chance to prove that we are not an inconsolable bunch unable to remain static. We're the future of your business, and the more you do to provide us the psychological equivalent of in-office PlayStations, Pool Tables and Herman Miller furniture - the longer we will be able to stay put.

word of the day: lobotomy

2008-09-25T08:43:00.002-05:00

(n) the severing of a chunk of one's creative contribution to the world.

I aborted an idea yesterday. Not a thumbnail on the wall at the Texas Creative Sequence that I thought "could have been great." Not even a "fleshed-out" concept that never got to see the light of day.

I aborted a full-out-in-production-about-to-go-live idea. And it was great. It was great because I watered it and cultivated it, and stayed up late at night with it and nursed it back to health when it was sick. I breathed life into it and made it into what it is today. AND - due to circumstances beyond my control - I was forced to acquiesce all rights to it.

I did not know it was possible to be this distraught about the loss of something inanimate. But, then again, this thing has developed a life of it's own. It's grown into something beautiful. Something that will win awards and change the way people look at things.

But it's not the loss of my name on that placard in CA that will hurt most. Or even people 'buzzing' about something that was conceived by my mind - and never understanding that I had anything to do with it. It will be knowing that it's out there thriving - and that I no longer have a say in where it goes or what it does, or what it becomes.

But I suppose that, as they say, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. And to be part of something that meant enough to me to break my heart when it slipped away - well, what more could a creative soul desire?

word of the day: writers

2008-09-19T09:13:00.005-05:00

(n) 50% of any creative team.

I was in the elevator the other day with two IT people. They were talking about reorganizing our company intranet. They decided that writers were definitely not creatives and thus, would not be included in any search for 'brand creatives.' I had to wrestle my own pride WWF-style to keep myself from chiming into these stranger's conversation with a resounding, "Are you KIDDING ME?"

Sadly, the well-intentioned IT dudes are merely the tip of this rather icy iceberg in my microcosm of creative advertising. The account people have started referring to only the designs as the 'creative.' The writing that goes with each is merely an afterthought - which usually translates to after hours for us 'non-creatives' - due to the fact that the expectations for copy are just as high, but never overtly so.

When photographers and film companies come, only the art directors are invited. We writers walk by sadly, eating our instant oatmeal as the 'art' people luxuriate in gourmet breakfast tacos and sprinkles cupcakes.

Photo shoots are also a privilege unavailable to we masters of Microsoft word. Never mind if we came up with a good half of the idea in our heads. The mouse is mightier than the pen - and the art again, trumps the words – in tangible manifestations of pampered trips to NYC and LA to "oversee the vision."

Even my alma matter, the great University of Texas at Austin, gives 90% of its resources and face time to the art side of the business. Classes in art direction and design abound, whereas learning how to write is considered strictly an extracurricular endeavor.

So, let me set the record straight. Every great award-winning piece of advertising you see has had a brilliant writer behind it...just as the brilliant writers in this industry, literally, stand behind their art directors every day commenting on layouts over their shoulder, reassuring them ("Yes! This looks great! Um..maybe that color is a little bit too neon") and making invaluable suggestions to guarantee that the 'design' evolves into true art. I love my art directors because they realize this and appreciate it ... and even squeeze me into their photoshoos every now and then. (Or at least snag me a leftover breakfast taco) Now, if only we could get the rest of the ad world on board.

Until then, I will continue making picket signs and leaving them in unsuspecting account peoples' chairs.

word of the day: tenure

2008-09-15T16:12:00.003-05:00

(n): the most valued key to becoming wise, successful and indispensable at my place of employment.

Today marks the completion of my 5th month in the 8th pod of the 14th floor of 8750 N. Central Expressway in Dallas, TX. That's a big deal in the history of Tara Kirk's agency tenure. And though I can't even begin to compete with the many writers (upon whom I've developed major career crushes) at this fine establishment who boast 5..15...20...30 year tenures, I'm pleased to celebrate mine with a whimsical look back at what I've learned since joining the ranks of the "smartest, most creative people in the world of advertising"

1. Sneaking into the parking garage is an offense punishable by sharp curbs that will, in fact, rip up your tires and destroy your alignment, leaving you sitting in the parking lot at 5:25 on a Friday while everyone drives by and notices that you are immobile and most likely, a huge loser. (which, in this case is true, because let's face it - you just got in an accident with yourself.)

2. There's a code to the stairwells, but they don't tell you that until you decide to take them as a shortcut to the meeting you're already late for and end up missing said meeting all together while concurrently fearing that you are going to pee your pants from a mixture of embarrassment and way too much coffee.

3. When they say you can't park there, they really mean you can't park there.

4. The building sways in 70 mph wind. The building evacuees travel down the stairs at -70 mph, resulting in one frantic copywriter pushing a lot of very overweight people out of her way.

5. There are many fashionable things here - designer jeans, luxury shoes, hollywood haircuts, purses that cost more than my car- but lateness is definitely not among them.

6. It's best not to be in the Walker or the Jones fishbowls when your shirt accidentally pops open in a meeting, exposing you to the entire group, because the entire group quickly becomes the entire "Groupers" and you end up providing everyone with a personal "Peak of the week."

7. David Culp is not a sweet young freelancer out of college. He is a seasoned Grouper who helped write the Peaceable Kingdom with none other than Stan Richards. Oops. Sorry, David.

8. If you're staying at the Oceana, you should be sure that you have at least $4,000 in your checking account. Don't ask. It was a really awkward experience, okay?

9. Even if you think it's cool to subconsciously present your work in a British accent, it's not. It will bite you in the butt every time. (I've only "tried" it once, but that was enough for me. I'm totally cool with hasty conclusions)

10. Playing practical jokes on total-stranger Account People is unofficially frowned upon and officially a really good way to earn a reputation as a "crazy."

With these great lessons behind me, I look forward to another 5..15...20...30 months of befuddled bliss. I've never loved a job more - flashing, falling, lock-outs and callouts included.

word of the day: confrontation

2008-09-12T15:04:00.004-05:00

(noun) that which any man, woman, animal, human or employee requires to thrive.

I developed a theory this week about confrontation. Because confrontation can manifest itself in hundreds of different forms, I would never be so preposterous as to try to break the subject at large down into two categories, BUT for the sake of my theory, I'd like to highlight the two types of confrontation that I see most in the workplace: the bullet confrontation and the shrapnel confrontation. Sure, maybe I've just become a crazy vet of advertising but hear (er, read) me out here.

With the bullet confrontation, you always know what you're going to get. When the confronter fires, it may be a huge bullet. It may sting. It may even knock you down with its sheer force, BUT you know exactly where said bullet landed and what it will take to manage it. The bullet confronter almost always fires in bullets, and always from the front. You know what to expect, and over time, you can even learn to anticipate the bullet long before it hits.

But the shrapnel confronter, well, they are an all together different case. They fire all over - small bits, so you might night even notice it at first. A nick here - a scrape there. Sometimes they fire from behind. Sometimes from the side - but never from the same place twice. In fact, sometimes, you'll find an old wound and not even be sure whether it came from the shrapnel or from an all together different source. It's hard to access where, exactly, the shrapnel hit, or why it was even fired to begin with.

Lest this all sound too esoteric, or come off as a passive aggressive assessment of my parallel universe known as my career, I must convey that I, too, have been just as guilty – of being a shrapnel leader, friend and coworker – as anyone else. It's so much easier to hide behind the tinier, less committal confrontations than it is to deliver one giant blow of honesty and move on. But then again, I'd take one giant bullet wound than a million tiny artillery scars any day.

word of the day: target audience

2008-01-18T11:00:00.000-06:00

(n) the whole world, if the marketing superstar continues to unleash brilliance like this.

word of the day: proactive

2008-01-16T17:22:00.000-06:00

(adj) a monolith energy company taking the initiative to reach out and make a difference in the little ways - from education to e-cards.

I love this website. I feel like it’s my vision for Chesapeake Energy, realized. We’ve been hounding them to roll out something this interactive, this warm, this informative, this compelling – for awhile now. What I love about the execution of this is that, while Chevron clearly has pretty big fish to fry, they’re taking the time and energy to stay approachable and human. I believe the public opinion will be won on this front.

And this beautiful little site passes all the tests, too. It’s relevant, entertaining, approachable and comprehensive. Most importantly, it’s optimistic. And at the end of the day, or even the end of the world, that’s really all the people want.

word of the day: vindication

2008-01-16T16:02:00.000-06:00

(n): Design Police

Thanks to my avid blogger buddy, Allen for sharing this with me. My favorites are, "Stolen Idea," "Do not get em and en dashes mixed up" and of course, "Hire a Copywriter."

word of the day: thirsty

2008-01-16T14:19:00.000-06:00

(adj) 1. the desire to create iconoclast visuals which defy all form and function.
2. feeling the need to find the next silly piece in the joyful campaign.

My New Yorker best friend saw these ads by Ogilvy and Mather in a subway and was both impressed and inspired at the absolutely terrible, yet endearing look of them. In portfolio school, my esteemed professor Sean Thompson often mused at how some of the illustrations in the class (mainly mine) were so bad that they almost came full circle to morph into good. And, as engaging and whimsical as these little pieces are, they are actually pretty conceptually strong, too. Three cheers for illustrator Andrew Rae, who unlike me, is actually quite an accomplished artist. I guess it's true that you have to know the rules before you can break them.

word of the day: new year's resolution

2008-01-15T11:22:00.000-06:00

(n): the marketer's catch-all call to action for every product, from getting organized to becoming over-sized.

In my annual New Year’s resolution to consume more television, I have assumed full couch potato mode and have been thoroughly enjoying nearly every program that ABC has to offer. However, I was extremely disturbed by a Dairy Queen Spot (that, not surprisingly, is in no way interesting enough to grace the pages of You Tube) that goes something like this:

“Start 2008 off right with a Chicken Fried Steak Basket – loaded with creamy gravy, two pieces of moist, savory Texas Toast, and crispy, delicious French Fries. THEN, top it all off with one of DQ’s heavenly kit-kat blizzards. It’s the best way to get your new year on the right track.”

So much is wrong with this picture.

I can just imagine how that briefing process went down: “The client is looking for a way to appeal to New Year’s resolutions.” “Ignore the fact that this meal has more calories than one should consume in an entire week.” “Why should we believe it? Because everyone is hungry in the New Year.”

This is a grievous strategy error. It’s as though some marketer used the ADVERBLASTER© 2008 to plug in a series of components for a good First Quarter ad, but neglected to realize how mutually exclusive each element was. What is most scary about this, however, is how easy it is to do. It doesn’t seem to matter how well trained AEs are, or how great of Business School the client attended. It matters not even if the lowly copywriter pushes back and says, “This is asinine.” Somehow, the powers that be manage to push this forward until it pollutes our airways and clogs our arteries. In fact, I think I gained a few pounds just watching the spot. But then again, it could just be my new couch potato lifestyle.

word of the day: secret weapon

2008-01-14T16:34:00.000-06:00

(n): exactly what it takes to think up something like this:

Secret Weapon Marketing has done it again. Second only to the angus/anus hilarity of last year, this clever little spot exudes stellar production, direction, and most importantly - thinking.

word of the day: love

2008-01-11T15:04:00.000-06:00

(n) the feeling evoked deep within an advertiser when
viewing the new TV spots for match.com

(click here to watch video)

In ad school, they teach you to dig deep inside of
your brain until you find the human element. The thing
that will really connect with your target audience.
The thing that humanizes your product and makes it a
must-have in prospective customers’ eyes. The thing that transcends mere advertising and somehow creates a warm fuzzy feeling that is bigger and better than the sum of the parts. If explaining all of that again and again gets too laborious, I think that professors can now just reference this spot and say, "Here. Do this."

Up to this point in my life, I have had two favorite TV campaigns. One, I saw when I was 10 years old for Serta ("This is the night for a perfect sleep.") and the other was the DeBeers spots of the late 90's. ("How else could six months' salary last forever?"). Both had this amazing way of taking you to a different place, of creating a magical world of happiness and possibility. The Match.com spots done by Hanft Raboy and Partners, have captured this rare feeling in it's entirety. Of course, the great direction and production quality doesn’t hurt, either.

word of the day: belly laugh

2008-01-10T11:18:00.000-06:00

(n) a typical result of work created by the Martin Agency

I've got to be honest. I am not a fan of many of the Geico spots. I honestly do not find the caveman at all amusing and I think that the celebrity spots are annoying.

However, I admire their approach very much in its bravery. How many clients let their agency loose to execute multiple different concepts? How many agencies could actually pull this off? The reason it works for them is because all of the executions support one main concept: geico saves people money. The so what factor manages to make each spot – no matter how wacky – a successful branding piece. The inconsistencies across the campaign seem counterintuitive to smart branding. But intuitive is easy. And great advertising is not.

But enough of this fiddle-faddle ad speak that is most likely alienating the one reader this little web resident has earned. I love this spot. Maybe it’s because I’m a child of the 80s. Maybe it’s because my sister is obsessed with celebrity gossip. But most likely it’s because it’s a creative, on-strategy, smart spot that breaks through the clutter.

word of the day: rules

2008-01-09T17:20:00.000-06:00

(n) the things that make or break an agency, its reputation and eventually - its people.

There's a fine line between freedom and anarchy. There's also a fine line between structure and red tape. I've yet to work at a place that has gotten it exactly right. Maybe if we all pledged to follow these rules, we would reach that elusive, yet oh, so important je ne sais quoi.

word of the day: rare

2008-01-09T16:08:00.000-06:00

(adj) the kind of art that actually inspires us to think, wonder and explore until we understand that there are still new ideas out there worth pursuing.

My friend 99 turned me on to Tara Donovan's work. She saw it at the Met a few weeks ago. It's the first art I've seen in a long time that is unquestionably art. She takes everyday pieces like broken pencils, toilet paper rolls, paper plates, etc and turns them into these amazing creations. Very unique.

Word of the day: Title Case

2008-01-08T22:48:00.000-06:00

(n) 1. The Best Way To Ruin A Great Headline.
(v) 1. An unpleasant procedure in which random letters are capitalized in an attempt at consistency
(adj) see also: tedious, unnecessary, nonsensical

A few years ago, I stumbled upon an interesting concept called the Caps Off Group: a society of people banded together to eradicate the wretched caps lock button from the keyboard. Their reasoning: it's an unnecessary key that only serves to complicate writing since it cannot be undone and many unsuspecting typists have apparently unwittingly created scores of SHOUTING paragraphs under its maniacal spell.

Like most people, I found the Caps Off movement to be a bit extremist and couldn't understand how anyone could care so very much about a few misplaced capital letters. Maybe these people were just really slow typists who suffered greater consequences for their caps typos. What could it matter?

Then, I worked for an ACD who insisted, nay, demanded the use of Title Casing All Of The Time - No Matter What The Headline Said. I began to understand how a mere capital letter could send someone - anyone - off the deep end.

I hate title casing. In a recent discussion about my disgust for this inane treatment of an otherwise perfectly good headline, I challenged one of my art directors to find an award-winning ad that actually utilized the evil title case. Two weeks later one has still yet to be found. Why? Because title casing makes no sense. It only serves to muddy the waters. To interrupt an otherwise conversational line. To water down perfectly good brands through the invention of some new-fangled way of treating the English language. These are not titles of books or cities or even the names of important products we are talking about. They are words like, “and, so, the, this, with, to.” Articles. Prepositions. Conjunctions. As great as they are, they simply do not merit a capital letter.

So join me, my friends. Let's do our part to make advertising just a little bit less mediocre. Join me in my own special society: the Title hate society.